Pursuing Your True Professional Identity: One Student’s Story

That was then, but this is now. Since Vitello’s contribution in September 2016, the large telecommunications company he worked for dissolved his position and department, then months later retracted that decision and offered him the option to stay on in a different role, or go into retirement. Now faced with choices for his future, Vitello discusses how he proceeded, and what that decision means for his professional identity.

I am terrified. Make no mistake about it, I really am terrified.

In late August 2016, I was informed that my 30-year-old job at a large telecommunications company was going away. There would be a, sort of, slow withdrawal, as my work was transitioned to other people, in other cities. My last day on the payroll would be December 1, 2016.

“This is it!” I thought. “This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for! I can go forth and recreate my life! Thank you, large telecommunications company! Your timing is perfect!”

Sure, it was scary, my salary and health insurance were going away. I was going to have to say goodbye to my coworkers and friends, who I have worked alongside for many years. Those are big, big things.

Yet for the following three months, I happily dreamt of that wonderful day, December 1, 2016, when I would officially retire from my company, take my severance package, my pension, and my 401k and skip off into the bright future; the one I’d been working towards from the second I chose a bachelor’s in communications at CSU Global. Cowabunga!

Then, an unexpected thing happened. (Large corporations do unexpected things, after all.) In late November, the company un-laid me off. My current job was still going away, but they offered me a new position, at the same pay rate, in a different department.

The layoff was off. The severance package was gone. December 1^st was going to be just another day. And it wasn’t just me of course, seventeen of my co-workers – my entire workgroup – were all in the same boat.

Then all of the sudden, BAM! Another hairpin turn. The company decided that if I didn’t want to take the new job, they would let me retire with a smaller severance package.

Should I stay or should I go?

That was the prelude that lead to one of the biggest and scariest decisions I have ever had to make. By changing the circumstances of my retirement and separation from the company, they introduced a new actor into this little drama: fear.

When I was being involuntarily laid off, I was free from any real decision making. The fact was that my job was going away and that was out of my control. I was excited about pursuing my CSU Global degree plan and future career goals in a new industry. The company had made that decision for me and my role was entirely passive.

With the company’s new offer, however, I was put back in the driver’s seat. I was going to have to make a choice, and it wasn’t just a question of work or retire. Nope. At the very core of the choice, the question was simple, “who do I chose to be? Who I am, or who I want to be?”

When Fear Becomes a Main Player in Decision Making

Here’s where the fear comes into play. I know that I’m a poor risk taker. That’s how I ended up working the same job for 30 years, despite knowing that it was never what I really wanted to do. Regardless, I plodded along, saying “someday, someday, someday…” and now I’ve been plodding for 30 years!

So now I know who I am: a plodder. I know the world is changing rapidly and I need to change with it, or risk a life of unfulfilled, endless plodding, and the continuation of “someday” thoughts. Despite knowing that, I still question my ability to become the person I want to be. Am I brave enough to make this change in my mid-50s, while (in the words of a co-worker) “I still have some tread on my tires?”

In making my decision I talked to an old friend who said, “If you had the courage and the confidence to leave when it wasn’t your choice, why do you lack the courage and the confidence when it is your choice?”

Despite being a plodder, I mustered up the courage and confidence I had when the decision was being made for me and I made the choice for myself: I was going to become the person I want to be. I turned in my retirement paperwork and my last day, after 30 years, was December 16, 2016. Of course I was relieved to have made the decision, but there’s still a long road ahead of me and it’s not going to be easy.

Fear continues to try to seduce me, telling me it was foolish to give up my salary and wrong to put so much pressure on my wife and her job until I transition. Fear tells me I retired too early and should put just a few more years into the new position. It’s the thing that whispers, “Hey, that new job isn’t that bad. Sure it’ll be boring, but what the heck, it’s already been 30 years.”

Fear wants me to stay a passive participant in my own life, instead of taking an active role in my education and career.

Choosing Future over Fear

You know what I say? Screw fear, I’ve been listening long enough.

My new chapter, the one I’m actively writing for myself, began on January 9, 2017 when my CSU Global courses started back up.

It’s going to be scary in these unchartered waters: finishing my degree, learning how to start a new career that actually fits me and my goals without the security of already being employed.

The best way to describe this period of my life is using a quote from one of my favorite TV shows, “Monk”: “Leap, and a net will appear.”

I’m leaping and CSU Global might be that net or, at the very least, lead me to that net. Like I discussed in my first blog post, it was difficult to change the direction of my life and re-engage my brain to return for a second bachelor’s degree, but now, now it’s going to get even harder, but I have to try.

If I don’t, everything I’ve said, and everything I’ve begun to work for will be for naught. Fear will have won.

I’ll leave you with one final quote from the song “Local Hero” by Bruce Springsteen: “These days I can’t tell my courage from my desperation.”

Believe me, I know how he feels, but I’m determined. This time, fear ain’t gonna win. I won’t let it and neither should you.